Emotionally Focused Therapy

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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is commonly regarded as the most effective method of couples therapy and marriage counseling available today.

It is the cutting edge, gold standard for empirically validated, evidence based couples therapy. Developed by Dr. Susan Johnson about 30 years ago, it has been shown to lead to significant improvement in 90 percent of couples. 

Emotionally Focused Therapy has been shown to be effective with married and unmarried couples, couples of different cultural backgrounds and couples with different sexual orientations.

It is effective with couples in which one or both partners struggle with depression, anxiety, low-self-esteem, sexual problems, trauma histories, or the pain and betrayal of an affair.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is based on a clear scientific model of adult love and the factors that cause distress and uncertainty in our relationships. It offers a structured road map for helping couples get back on track.

EFT is balanced in its understanding and support of men and women. It does not blame, shame or pathologize. Rather, it seeks to create safety and validation for both partners, and promote acceptance, empathy and connection. 

The EFT model is based on Attachment Theory, which says that adults have an innate need to feel securely attached to a partner, to know they have someone who is there for them, someone who will respond to their needs, someone they can truly count on.

But when things happen that make us uncertain about our partner's love or willingness to meet our needs, we become distressed. We stop feeling safe and start feeling disconnected. Our sense of security begins to slip away, and we start to feel unsure if we can still count on our partner to be there for us.

Communication and tenderness break down and we find ourselves acting defensively. We put up walls to protect ourselves, but the walls get in the way of closeness and connection. Pretty soon we get stuck in negative patterns that almost take on a life of their own. It seems like we argue all the time, or maybe we just pull away and hardly talk. The emotional bond becomes damaged and we start to feel fearful, discouraged, frustrated, and even hopeless. 

Emotionally focused therapy helps distressed couples by looking beneath the surface and understanding their attachment-related insecurities.  Couples learn to take down their walls, stop the patterns of negative interaction, and reach out to their partners in more loving, responsive, and emotionally connected ways. 

Couples who work with me using EFT learn to break old destructive patterns and create a safe and secure emotional bond they can trust. They learn to communicate in a new way that invites vulnerability, deeper personal sharing, and lasting connection. They learn to "listen from the heart" with empathy, and discover a deeper understanding, acceptance and appreciation of one another.  Many couples tell me they never thought they could feel this close, that they are more loving now than ever before.